Well, today and yesterday have been very productive. I’ve gotten a lot of cleaning done, worked on my upcoming site and have scheduled myself for the rest of the month. Tomorrow I’m off to the dentist for two crowns. Two down, four to go. But it’s a third of the way there. I’ve been obsessed with getting my teeth fixed since I turned 18. I didn’t see a dentist at all before then, and was in bad shape. This is the final phase of my grand scheme dental plan, and it feels both good and tiring to be this close to the finish line.

I have a lot of appearances on FetishChatLive this month, and if you join you can recieve a text when ever I sign in! I’ll be sure to post here when I’m scheduled and I’ll try to at least twitter if it’s an unexpected play date. I had to swing by The Ivy Manor today and would’ve hopped on if I had remembered my lipstick. It’s so fun to chat with fans and fetishists, and the non kinky guys and gals are usually up for some education. Please check out FetishChatLive and if you’re a fetish model or actress who wants to be involved, lemme know! I totally pimped out Wolf Hudson today. (@wolfhudson on Twitter). I should be doing naughty things to him on cam within a week or so….

*evil laugh*

If you can’t wait util Mr. Hudson is available for me to lovingly torment via a live feed, go check out my work as a cruel Dominatrix  at The Twisted Factory. I’ve beated a lot of ass for CaptiveMale.com. This week I take Wild Bill for a spin, and I think he got a little more than he could handle. We had a fun time, though, and my bondage is coming along. I never needed any help with the verbal humiliation or strap on business, though! I beat Bill for giving Amber Rayne a hard time. I wonder if he’s learned his lesson….

My favorite scene of all time, with Chad Rock is also pretty rad. If you’re looking for me beating ass, Captive Male and Chantas Bitches are the places to go.

K. Gonna watch the news, play with the kitten, soothe the cat and clean the living room.

L8TR!!

Buy my porn! I made it for you!

I just spent the better part of an hour crafting a cute picture journal of my trip to London. Not only was it my birthday, but it was also my first successful trip overseas and to Europe. It was lovely, and life changing in a lot of ways.

And then FireFox went bonkers and then I lost my whole post and now I’m running out of juice on the laptop. Ugh. So, here goes nothing. Gonna try to recap quickly.

Before I go any farther, let me state that Tony Mitchell was my knight in shining armor the whole time I was in England I’m super grateful.

Day 1, I walked and walked and walked along the Thames and all through Windsor. I absolutely love the gardens and think they should charge to rent lounge chairs at any park. It was totally reasonable. Not so impressed with Buckingham Palace, but Westminster Abbey and the House of Parliament were Amazing. Saw the London Eye, took a photo, did not ride, got distracted by Dali. And so it goes.

I cannot wait to go back later this year. I’m going to try to criss cross the continent and take advantage of opportunities to travel as much as possible.

This update is going to be the longest ever. I’m going to break it up into evenings. Groovy?

Adios, for now, Amigos!!

Had a wonderful day today! Got up early, ran late to set, got done early and had an amazing time with Mark Davis, who has worked with me on SexAndSubmission.com for Kink.com. We got to get down without rope or whips today and it was amazing. I’m still a bit spun. I’m very excited about the launch of my paysite. Shooting with all of my favorite people in order to get content has been such an experience in and of itself.

Although the shoot today was all about me being a femme fatale being a completely dirty girl, it was certainly very D/s based. I’ve never interacted with Mr. Davis any other way. I reflected on that afterwards. I suppose I could’ve been mouthier or played a character or whatever, but there was a reason it wasn’t scripted.

I believe that we got some amazing footage and intense photos and can’t wait to see both. I went from glam to smeared eyeliner in two seconds. There were no bdsm accessories but it was just as intense as SAS. Having TMS and Steen right there was awesome and a little awkward, but that’s why I wanted Mr. Davis there so I could just focus on him.

Directing and subbing at the same time is really hard. Not as hard as subbing and topping at the same time, but difficult. All I can really do is put the best people I know together at the same time and then go with it. Working with people I really like, trust and that know what they’re doing is my formula and I think that it’s working.

And in case I haven’t mentioned it before, Mark Davis is my favorite dude porn star ever. Ridiculous. I’m not sure if it’s the accent or that he’s confident enough to pick me up by the throat. Either way, I hope I can get him a lot for the site. Because I am a twisted individual, I can’t wait until I can get him to fuck my friends for my site.

Steen and TMS both said that they didn’t perv out at all during the shoot, which sort of dissapointed me. I’ve totally perved out at shoots. I’ve perved out with other people at shoots.  Do I get a gold star for that? Isn’t that why you’re reading this blog? Because I perv out? And will talk about it, actually do it and take photos/videos of it?  Talk to me!! Why are you here, Faithful Reader? Am I funny, am I hot, do you like the LOLCats? I certainly haven’t been putting up enough free porno lately, and haven’t been very good about updating my Clip Store. I guess I’m just anticipating putting all the pieces in place for my site.

K. Gonna recoup so I can go beat the boys that are bad with Nikki Hunter in the morning. My life, on the whole, is pretty bad ass.

The newest addition to my Jesus collection. Still looking for a reasonable velvet one. Mz Berlin is hella religious.

Just finished polishing my long natural nails hot pink. I’ll add glitter later.

OMG! Totally posting from my phone. It is so on!! The Fabulous Mz Berlin has no gap between impulse and iteration. Evil beware! Faithful readers will remember when I first acquired my iPhone.

Wow. Life really came at me fast today! I’ve been moving and shaking since I woke up and it feels like there’s no end in site, even though it’s almost 1 am!! I’m still doing laundry, and did quite a bit of rearranging around the house. Bought more shoe storage. I’ve almost got it under control. Almost.
Also worked in the garden. I’m tearing everything out and starting over. I want pretty flowers and ground cover. Right now it’s lots of sea grass. Boring.
Went over to Steens this afternoon and observed Darenzia recovering. We ate cupcakes and watched Pootie Tang.
“You can’t beat a ho! They like that shit!!”
Classic.
I’m working on lots of rad content, with the likes of January Seraph, Satine Phoenix and lots of dirty boys who need to be beaten. In the meantime, here’s a pic from Danni.com
Enjoy!!

Please go check out my clips for sale store. There’s awesome stuff in there, full of my hot friends including Jewell Marceau, Satine Phoenix, Eden Wells, January Seraph, Jade Indica, Natali Demore and plenty of others!

Buy my porn! I made it for you!

Later, gators-
TFFMB

Even though my car is in the shop, I will soldier on. I am a trooper. Tomorrow is tomato shopping. I shit you not. I am becoming, if not a farmer, at least a gardener. Poppies and tomatoes.  I will paint the former and can the latter. W00t!
In other news, Kiss Me Deadly is putting together their new collection! I can’t tell you how excited I am. I will slowly get the whole shebang in my hot little hands. Really and truly, I only find awesome unique stuff at La Magia. Chantelle Thomas and a few other high end designers make stuff for gifted gals like myself, but the garters that KMD doles out are like no other, and I like to be in stockings that stay up. I’m a sucker for metal garters, and like more than 4 attachment points. It’s me being a Taurus, I suppose. I go for durability. And sheer butts. Caroline Pierce and I had a long discussion about sheer backed panties. We believe they are superior to other panties.
In movie news, I’ve rewatched The Matrix trilogy, A Mighty Wind, The Big Lebowski, Waiting for Guffman, Hannibal, Silence of The Lambs, Marathon Man and Harold and Maude this week. I’ve sort of let up on the political shows. I was getting upset. I’ll go back to Olbermann and Maddow next week. Ugh.
Civics should be taught for a full year in high school.
I wish they would update Olbermanns’ photo in his promo stuff. It’s sort of embarrassing when you don’t match your promo at all. Not that I don’t love Keith. I do. Fat or skinny. Really. He’s almost as untouchable as Ralph Nader in my book. (Well, not almost, but he’s closer than, say, Anderson Cooper.)
Anderson is an elitist, but I admire his ambition.
L8TR

My god, Texas is huge. I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin,  have had enough Texas, thankyouverymuch. I have to go back later this year and I’m dreading it.
We broke down on the way out. My car had a seizure. The air conditioner stopped working. We pulled over. We got gas. I turned the car on and it had another seizure. A loud one. Then it died. Then I got quiet, smoked a cigarette, called my L.A. mechanic and told him I was broke the fuck down in Odessa Mother Fucking Texas and that if my car did not miraculously start at that moment that he was going to come get me.
Of course the car started right up and drove fine, minus the A/C.
The car is going in tomorrow. I am tired of getting it fixed, even though it’s for free. This happened with the Miata, too. They were always fixing it for free. I just want it to work. I do not want to fix the same things.
Applying for college this year. Looking at Humbolt State University. Hippies and such. A bit too much rain for me, but TMS likes the rain, and Arcata has anti-dog legislation and has voted to impeach Bush twice! My kind of town. And I’m still close enough to SF to jet around and get nekkid.
All is well in Louisana. Everyone and every thing just keeps on keepin’ on. It’s a war zone.
In More Surreal Shit That Seems To Make Up My Existance, my grandmother is part of a lawsuit that is suing the government over military deaths involving Area 51.
K. T. will be over in a bit. She’s bringing coffee. From the amount of laundry I have and the influx of reading material my work is cut out for me.
L8TR

TMS kidnapped me (The Fabulous Mz Berlin) yesterday and we just got back.
Had a rad meeting with Miss Kessler yesterday and it feels like I’m about 2 months away from starting my own very porno empire. Creating my own “brand.” Branding oneself. Marky D. Sade talks about that all the time, and so does my mother.
Weird.
In good news I have booked my 2 favorite porno dudes for my first two movies. Yay!
And a location.
Yay!
My talent got sick this weekend, both of them, and my dp wasn’t available on Saturday, then we did switch it to Saturday, then we were worried about location and the shoot died late Friday night.
It was a sad day in The Kingdom, but life goes on and I was kidnapped and taken up the coast.
Yay!
We drove back today after eating breakfast at a dune park outside of Santa Barbara and took the long way home through the mountains, zig zagging back and forth from wine country to the sea.
We ate at the place next to the Hitching Post last night, which I found ironic. The steak was just as good. And there’s something about hotel beds that just knock me out. And room service.
Room service is totally my favorite decadent thing. Waiting for the creme brulee to arrive was just as good as eating it.
I adore my Mad Scientist. Sometimes madly.
T. keeps using British words, which I filter into my own speech. I’m a fucking parrot. I said “posh” several times in the last day or so.
Fucking Brits!!
K. Bong Hits and Meet The Press for me. Shoot tomorrow up at Big C’s with Darenzia (!!!) and Miss Kessler.
I need to polish my nails.
Black or Red?
My Private Jet or Vokda and Caviar?
I think My Private Jet. It’s a glittery black.
I wonder if Chad Rock is losing any sleep yet..
Dia Zerva and myself? I am plotting and planning away….

I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin have a houseguest! T. is in from London. So are her two small dogs. Their combined weight is less than Varla’s. BTW- Varla is a Maine Coon. It’s been confirmed by three independent parties. That’s why she is a monster cat with all that extra fur.
Varla hates the dogs. She doesn’t care if they are friendly or hostile. She doesn’t care that they just want to clean her and cuddle with her. She has identified them as The Enemy and is having none of them. She hisses, spits and hides.
And so it goes.
So, today is dyeing my hair, going to the AIM clinic, and then heading over to Angela’s for a mini photo shoot. T will probably go with me. We will make photo magic. Yay!!
This Friday I shoot for Venus Girls again, and Saturday I have a photo shoot.
The house is coming together. I got some dishes. T is all set up. Yay!!
TMS is spending the weekend. Yay!!
I can’t find two of my lingerie sets, which is starting to bother me more than a little.
Off to catch up on last nights’ news.
L8TR

Watching Fear and Loathing.
Again.
Great one liners in that film.
Appropriate for any occasion.
Tried to watch Evita. Never can make it past the first two scenes. I usually go for a nice musical, but Madonna just freaks me out now.
That’s it.
Still haven’t gotten my Netflix.
xo
Mz B

BUY MY PORN! I made it for you!

Thank You, Thomas Roche for pointing out this awesome blog. The Fabulous Mz Berlin approves.

Fuck You, Penguin

Enjoy.

And send Thomas nude photos of yourself if you’re a hot girl.
And send the Penguin People money.
And send me tribute videos featuring stills and video of me set to “Love Me Dead”
And buy my porn. And then talk about it ad nauseum.

K. Back to my stem cell procedure, skin bleaching, picking out outfits and moving into the Den of Fabulocity. I will be beating ass later this month for Twisted Factory. I have a lot of plotting and planning to do. And moving.

AAACCKKKK.

AVN was fun. I have photos. I will post some soon. Wait for it.

TMS and I saw LOVE and it was beautiful and slightly different from the last time I saw it. Awesome. And Bouchon has the best and most authentic eclairs ever. Seriously. I seek out the perfect food in all the categories I’ve liked, and this is the best eclair maker of my lifetime. George was a hit and so was my waist.

Back to catching up on the news and Packing.

AAAACCCCKKKK.

So, today I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin,  went with TMS to get the awesome desk that I got for my new apartment at the local Out of The Closet that I got for $25 and what do I find? For under $100?

Go ahead. Make a couple of guesses.

I’ll even give you clues.

It’s totally Un-PC.

It’s sort of freaky, really.

I’ve wanted one for a long time. A really long time.

I’ve never seen one in any size, shape or condition that didn’t go for several grand.

Really, though. They’ve all been super expensive.

K.

You ready?

I finally got my fucking gorilla jacket!!

The princess of excess found her exotic oddity for under $100.

I will love it and wear it and call it George. I will also use it to freak out and educate people. I am an avid lover of gorillas that are alive, as faithful readers will know. I do not endorse the fur trade. But I’m a clothing fetishist. I like exotic and I like rare, but I only buy vintage. I promise to use my fur for good, not evil. This has been on my collection list for a long time.

Also, Lochai has the means to make a hair voodoo doll out of me. I just thought the public should know in case something weird happens to me.

How he got the hair is revealed in the next Hogtied update that features me.

Aren’t you curious? Go check out his blog and bother him about it.

Keith Olberman, Anderson Cooper and Jon Stewart are waiting. I also have to catch up on Democracy Now! It depresses me, but I think it also gives me perspective. A little perspective never hurt no body.

Without being aware, you can’t be change.

*begin French accent and heavy smoking*

Fuck You.
You Love Me.

*end French accent, cigarette is put out*

Good Night, Y’all.
As Always
TFFMB

I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin, can’t sleep.
Again.
I’ve been organizing and moving and getting ready for tomorrow all day.
And planning AVN stuff.
And planning the move itself.
I haven’t had any caffiene.
I think I’m just all jazzed up. Whatever. My body will work it out.
I was doing well on my schedule this week. Bed by 11, up a bit after 7, functioning by 9. I (hopefully) will be so exhausted tomorrow that I fall asleep as soon as I get off of the plane. Because…..
Tomorrow is my first Hogtied.com shoot with Lochai. Yay!! My WebDude’s passive aggressive posting and my in-person cuteness as well as what I assume to be wildly contrasting assesments of working with me has lured him in.
Or maybe he just likes big boobs.
We’ll see.
I’m game.
Just finished dyeing my hair.
Spent today going through bank statements and starting to work on my taxes. This is the first year I get to send other people pieces of paper stating that I paid them, and not the other way around.
I think that this year will be about stabilizing what I’ve built.

- Working on my website and my blog are numero uno

- Shooting, Shooting, Shooting. For myself and other people.

- Finishing my trilogy. I think I may have nailed down a way to do it for less. And make it even more awesome. Seriously.

- Making my house Fabulous with only recycled or refurbished or used items. No Ikea bullshit. No ready made. I love to refinish, and L.A. is full of and surrounded by cheap antique stores and Beverly Hills garage sales.

- Quitting this whole smoking business. May 16th is the cut off date. After that, no more. It shall be done.

- Going overseas and running around naked over there.

- Being a better director/rigger/domme.

The rest of my resolutions are a bit personal, regarding my own behavior and reactions to others, as well as my commitment to them.

Criss Angel is the biggest douche face there is. I get the Larry King podcast and there he was with Holly Madison talking about his whole new level of art and entertainment that is beyond magic blah blah. Holly Madison looked bored and should have worn a brighter color and tried to look a little more rock star musician.
Any anger that caused was smoothed over by today’s Face The Nation featuring Dick Cheney. I seriously love Bob Sheiffer. He is the most amazing person in the world and his interviews are the best. He corners you with this interested smile on his face and everyone caves. Everyone. Watching Cheney crack and admit and scowl was wonderful.
So, off to hogtied tomorrow. I’ll try to take some BTS with my awesome iPhone, if I’m allowed.

(But… did she finish her laundry?)

I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin,  wore my beautiful Wasp Creations (waspcreations.com) corset and my favorite white dress and TMS wore his cufflinks that I got him for his birthday and we met up for drinks with friends and ended up at a castle, high (and I mean really) above the city in a gazebo festooned with tiny xmas lights. (Yes, I said festooned.)
Angela and Matti looked rocker/goth beautiful and my neighbor was rather racy. Satine (Phoenix) was also nearly naked. Only one person in the group wasn’t exactly on board, but we all had a lovely night. My New Year has certainly started off well, and with kisses from those near and dear. I was very graceful stumbler near the end of the night. And I never took off my corset or my heels.
Monday I head up to SF. I have been summoned by Lochai, for better or for worse, to model for Hogtied. I have promised him a “bring it on” shoot. What does that mean? Where am I going? Who am I?
Then there’s AVN. AVN = dress up + party = woot woot
I am fo sho attending and am looking to be seen. In addition to wearing the awesome stuff made by Jeroen at Bizarre Designs and Fierce Coutoure, I will also have some fun promo stuff from La Magia, which is where I get all of my fancy panties!! I haven’t gotten my ticket to the convention yet, but just like last year you can be sure of one thing! I will be at the Sweetheart Video party at Mandalay Bay and anywhere Satine Phoenix pops up. The famous Patron of The Tarts, including this one, Mark Spiegler, will be fine tuning my partying and visiting, as well.
Good times.
Packing my apartment has been slow going and steady. I guess that’s better than frantic.
Watched a biography on Nostradamus today. That was the pinnacle of my output.
Vacation ends tonight.

(The Fabulous Mz Berlin) Can’t sleep.
Not unusual.
And I’ll be up at 7 fucking AM tomorrow.
I hate when my schedule is fucked up, which is about half of the time.
In Awesome-Time news, I was approved for my apartment.
I’m very excited.
3x the space of this closet, and a garden and a washer/dryer. And big windows. And lots of built ins. And arched doorways.
It was built for Berlin.
And I have to get a chandelier for it, because the guy that’s moving out is taking his.
I suppose I could get a boring light fixture, but that would be, well, boring. And Berlins‘ boudoir is going to be fucking fabulous.
I am going to rhinestone everything. Or most of it.
Except for my bedroom, which will be a zen masterpiece.
My garden will have lilac and maybe a magnolia plant.
Marathon Man is an excellent movie.
Good night.
xo
Mz B

So, I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin,  don’t want to traumatize anyone, but I know that some of you are curious. About the LASIK, the whole first hand person thing.

Well- This is for you.

I got to the doctors office early. TMS drove me and I ate copious amounts of klonopin once I was all signed in and stuff.  Then I was taken to the back room. There were five chairs and each had a hairnet and a small bag of eyedrops and horrible sunglasses. I put my hairnet on. A dude came and got me and started dumping numbing solution in my eyes. Then he mapped my cornea  with a blue thing that sat on my eyeball itself. I didn’t feel that. It made a printout. Then he did the air balloon staring thing and looked at the inside of my eyeballs. Then we did the whole vision test as it corresponded to my original one. Then I was put back in the room. I sort of dug my hairnet. All of the ladies dutifully had theirs on, while the men hesitated. I told one of them to “suit up!” and he he did. The other dude did, as well. Then the lady called my name and said it was time for me to get zapped. My eyes were pretty numb, and I’d taken my klonopin, but was counting on their valium, as well. I said so and was given a pill. The lady handed it to me, along with a dixie cup of water. I took the valium, crunched it in my teeth to prove a point to no one, then swished with the water and told her I’d need 5 minutes. They called in the lady after me. She came out alive. My world got a little fuzzy while she was gone. I was shuffled into the operating room. I told the doctor that if he over shaved my corneas that I would hunt him down. He promised not to over shave and lose my cornea.  More numbing solution was dumped in my eye and off we went.
My head was balanced between the seat, and three soft pads. One at each temple and one on my forehead. He adjusted for a moment. He fed the machine my measurements and my printed out eyeball corneal scan. Then he dumped more solution in my eyeball and in one deft movement, during which I did not see or feel anything, he placed the Clockwork Orange eye clamp in. It was cool, cold, comforting in it’s durability and gentleness. It didn’t hurt, but I felt the temperature. More stuff was dumped in my eye. Someone complimented my pupils. My left eye was covered up with something black. He told me that I would feel pressure.
My remaining exposed and clamped open eyeball was covered with a black vacuum that happened to be eyeball shaped. I’m assuming they had night vision inside. The second it touched my eye, my world went black and I was thankful that I had been a bad ass with my valium crunching. I felt no pressure, only encompassing darkness.  I focused on breathing. Fractions of a second passed and then the whir of a the smallest bandsaw began. It probably lasted a little over a second and I’m happy that I was paralyzed by my eyeball bondage. The smallest noise. Then it was over. Done. Fast. No pain. He said my flap was beautiful and that there was no chance of flap loss. The suction was removed and with the deftest hands, he lifted the flap. It did not hurt. I was observing myself at this point. The laser was aimed at my eye. Everything was rinsed. All I could see out of my right eye once they placed the laser over me was the biggest night sky you’ve ever seen. Pitch black with red stars, spread out like the milky way. It was pretty rad. Then they double checked my measurements and made sure that the laser was correctly positioned and entered my coordinates (-4.75/-1.25, right eye) and the laser pulsed. There was a funny smell and a vacuum whir. Then another pulse. With each pulse the stars in the milky way moved closer together until they were almost all sort of centrally located. It was beautiful, but the vacuum was distracting.
My flap was put into place. I was rinsed and numbed and taped up with this wierd eye guard thing and then they did they other eye. Everything was the same except for the coordinates. I just observed that eye and the bandsaw didn’t distract me. I thought about its’ precison and nano and micro technology and thought about faith in science.
Each eye took less than three minutes.
I would recommend it to anyone, at this point.
But be sure to take your “azepam” medications with you, because they offer crapola.