Well, today and yesterday have been very productive. I’ve gotten a lot of cleaning done, worked on my upcoming site and have scheduled myself for the rest of the month. Tomorrow I’m off to the dentist for two crowns. Two down, four to go. But it’s a third of the way there. I’ve been obsessed with getting my teeth fixed since I turned 18. I didn’t see a dentist at all before then, and was in bad shape. This is the final phase of my grand scheme dental plan, and it feels both good and tiring to be this close to the finish line.

I have a lot of appearances on FetishChatLive this month, and if you join you can recieve a text when ever I sign in! I’ll be sure to post here when I’m scheduled and I’ll try to at least twitter if it’s an unexpected play date. I had to swing by The Ivy Manor today and would’ve hopped on if I had remembered my lipstick. It’s so fun to chat with fans and fetishists, and the non kinky guys and gals are usually up for some education. Please check out FetishChatLive and if you’re a fetish model or actress who wants to be involved, lemme know! I totally pimped out Wolf Hudson today. (@wolfhudson on Twitter). I should be doing naughty things to him on cam within a week or so….

*evil laugh*

If you can’t wait util Mr. Hudson is available for me to lovingly torment via a live feed, go check out my work as a cruel Dominatrix  at The Twisted Factory. I’ve beated a lot of ass for CaptiveMale.com. This week I take Wild Bill for a spin, and I think he got a little more than he could handle. We had a fun time, though, and my bondage is coming along. I never needed any help with the verbal humiliation or strap on business, though! I beat Bill for giving Amber Rayne a hard time. I wonder if he’s learned his lesson….

My favorite scene of all time, with Chad Rock is also pretty rad. If you’re looking for me beating ass, Captive Male and Chantas Bitches are the places to go.

K. Gonna watch the news, play with the kitten, soothe the cat and clean the living room.

L8TR!!

Buy my porn! I made it for you!

I shot with Alexa Von Tess recently at The Factory. She thought she was in for an easy day of bondage orgasms, but I made her work for every single one. First she’s taken down in the bathroom then led to set by her hair and the bondage trials and pain play begin! I’m dressed in a latex mini skirt, a latex corset and some very high boots. Here is one of my fave pix from the shoot. Yes, I really am that mean.

‘Allo. I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin, was going to write about my new femdom, or lezdom, scene with Emma Heart on Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com), but I see that my friend Marky D Sade (aka God) already beat me to the punch. So, straight from his bondage blog, allow me to open up a fresh can of What He Said.

This bondage blog gives props to the beautiful femdom Mz Berlin, for her excellent shoot with Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com). Lovers of shibari (rope bondage) will appreciate the rigging on this shoot, and lovers of hot women fucking will too! Mz Berlin is a great domme. I love her patter while she’s tormenting bondage model Emma Heart. I love watching her flog. Berlin has flair. I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend. Check it out. Girl/girl bdsm doesn’t have to try hard to be sexy, but Chanta’s Bitches is more than sexy. It’s good. It’s bondage. It’s scene. Twisted Factory and Chanta’s Bitches always delivers quality bondage with top name models. Always. Enjoy.

A few weeks ago Chanta gave me, The Fabulous Mz Berlin,  a challenge and I challenged myself further.
Lorelei Lee is one of her prized girls, and lil Mz Berlin was given a go.
As usual, where there’s gas, I add fire. Tonight my update with the lovely Lorelei Lee goes up on Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com). It’s a non-rope bondage trial for both of us. There are a few things I would change, but not many. It was a fun day, all around and was a very authentic scene.  You got your enclosure and plastic wrap fetish. You got your forced orgasms, and your cattle prod induced electrical play. And of course, you have me making a beautiful and very submissive woman writhe and beg. Yep. It was a good day. Chanta’s Bitches is one of the best lezdom sites out there, and that’s because Chanta is such a perfectionist, and a professional, and an artist.
Enjoy!!

Yay!! TMS hooked up the internet while I was gone. I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin, am now In Contact.
In addition to AVN and moving this January, I just got back from a directing stint at The Twisted Factory. Since you can assume that I had fun at AVN, and that I totally dig my New To Me Craftsman Abode of Fabulocity, let’s get right to the shoots.
First of all, let me say that I was nervous about shooting with Lorelei. And what do I do when I’m nervous? I up the ante and put more pressure on myself. This resulted in a scene that was very different from any of the other Chanta’s Bitches shoots, or any shoot I’ve been involved in for that matter. Totally. Completely.
No rope.
None.
Nada.
This resulted in some precarious, painful and mobile ties for the lovely Lorelei Lee.
Did I mention that I’m totally in love with this chick? She giggles, she laughs, she is pokable and fuckable and the only thing I regret is not making out with her more. Lorelei is known for being a bad ass and having an awesome attitude. And in person she is even sexier than on camera. She glows, she moves with you, she connects.
*sigh*
And she was up for the shoot. I talked with her before hand about the concept and she was totally up for it. She’s a wonderful communicator and I hope to work with her again. I simply must.
Perhaps Chanta will be inspired and put us through the ringer together? Or one of my other beloved riggers will see the magic in that moment? ‘Allo Princess Donna?? Matt? Sabrina Fox?
Sabrina!
OMG!!
Mz Berlin, SabrinaFox,  and Lorelei Lee.
*blink*
So, my first shoot for Chanta’s Bitches went well.
And then there was Rico. The boy who doesn’t quit. He likes to call me the “B” word, and that doesn’t fly with me. But Rico never bites off more than he can chew, but he comes precariously close. His ability to bounce back even harder is unparalleled, though. I totally dig him, and hope to have one more go. This is a gonzo storyline shoot and I’m really proud of his performances. We’ll see if I got my points across after the editing is done, but I feel like Justin got a lot of cool shots and that the action is intense. INTENSE. I rarely do things to other people that haven’t been done to me, but Chanta gave me a wicked idea and I went with it.
My bondage was simple, and Rico can MOVE in bondage. I’ve been accused of being an unexpected wiggler, but Rico needs to be locked the fuck down.
I have a fucked up and simple idea for our next shoot, if there is one.
So, my Captive Male shoot went well.
I sort of know when I walk away from a shoot and it’s going to be crappy. There’s one with a horrible actor in which I didn’t really read the situation correctly and I’m not very confident about. He was a shit talker that couldn’t bear the consequences of his actions. So, I’m dreading seeing it.
These two, I feel fairly confident about. Chanta has already chatted with me about one thing that won’t fly, but it won’t happen again.
But I left each set without poring over the whole experience and reliving anything that didn’t meet my minds’ standards. That was nice.
There was also a lot of laughter on set. Lorelei and I had the giggles all day and Rico is one of the funniest people around, with all of his energy. That really helped. Familiarity may breed contempt, but it also seems to breed confidence in me.
So, that’s that. I am now home.
And still unpacking. I went to the grocery store today and filled up my (My!!) fridge. I have fruit in the fruit drawer. It’s nice.
Justin may be coming into town tonight with his ex girlfriend. That should keep me amused.
Until then, adios!!! BUY MY PORN! I made it for you!

I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin, would like to say farewell to 2008 with my third installment in my Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com) retrospective..  It’s from 2007, and features Chanta’s exquisite rigging binding my exquisite breasts. Of course Chanta has her way with me.  Notice the inflatable dildo that Chanta is using in the above pic.  I have written of my love for Twisted Factory, and Chanta Rose, and I will continue to ring that bell, because I love Chanta. You won’t find better femdom bondage anywhere. Her rope work is amazing, and her scenes are always compelling. Plus, she knows what to do with a bound girl. Chanta’s Bitches and Mz Berlin will be together for a long time to come. You’ll see more of my retrospective of Chanta’s Bitches, as 2009 begins. I have lots to show you! BUY MY PORN! I made it for you.

This is the second in my Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com) retrospective. It’s from November 2006, but I (The Fabulous Mz Berlin) can’t remember when it was shot. Look at the beautiful rigging! Chanta is so wonderful at rope bondage (shibari)! Now, you all know I have a problem with cattle prods. Well, this shoot was crazy intense, because it was very heavily into electrical play, with a TENS Unit and cattle prod  (available in my Fetish Toy Box)forcing orgasms from me at Chanta’s will. She has taught me so much about being a Domme, and you can watch my evolution as this retrospective comes along. In these early ones, I am submissive, and pretty good one at that. You get plenty of forced orgasms in this one.  Chanta’s Bitches is one of the best girl/girl femdom sites you’ll ever find, and Chanta Rose will never sacrifice the quality of her work, so you’re guaranteed a steady flow of top shelf bondage.  So, my dear friends, BUY MY PORN! I made it for you!

There was a time when I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin, was a n00b. It’s true. Back in June of 2006, I had my first shoot with Chanta Rose, on her site Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com) over two years ago.  As I wrote here not long ago, I love working with Twisted Factory, and I really enjoy everything Chanta has done. She’s a taskmistress to be sure, but I love her for that. When she was in Australia recently, I jokingly asked her buy me a koala… and she actually looked in to it.  Kink.com is great, and of course I love them as well, but Chanta and the Factory are in a league of their own. I’m going to be running a retrospective of my work with Twisted Factory, just as I did with my work with Hogtied.  It’s a goose/gander thing. I hope you like it, and I hope you BUY MY PORN! I made it for you!

I, The Fabulous Mz Berlin, had a great time topping the luscious Cherry Torn, for Chanta.  As I’ve written before I love working with Twisted Factory, and I think you will see that love in this scene from Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com). Sweet little Cherry Torn really takes to forced orgasms, and she eats pussy and licks ass like a top shelf submissive.  There is something about a girl who loves a ball gag, and nipple clamps. I tore this girl up, and she took it like a champ, and came a thousand times.  Chanta’s Bitches always always always delivers quality lezdom content, with the best girls in the business.  Enjoy.  Oh, yeah. BUY MY PORN! I made it for you!

I, the Fabulous Mz Berlin, am cross-posting this from Marky D Sade’s bondage blog. He won’t mind. I’m pretty and I make him laugh. It’s a scene of myself and Beverly Hills (gimme gimme) on Chanta’s Bitches. Enjoy!

This bondage blog is very impressed by Mz Berlin’s femdom turn in this scene from Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com). Twisted Factory has been giving Kink.com a run for its money, and this scene illustrates why. Beverly Hills is the submissive little bitch that Mz Berlin is molding into something worthwhile. The shibari rigging is great, as is the energy between the two women. There’s plenty of nipple torture, foot fetish action (toe licking, foot worship), forced orgasms, and of course… strap on fucking. Chanta’s Bitches always brings their A-Game, and Mz Berlin never disappoints. Enjoy.

I’m seeing that creepy Tom Cruise website ad everywhere again.
The laundry is done, dude. (It is not done)
TMS stayed over. We watched the last debate (he hadn’t seen it) and visited. Today was a trip to Target and he’s off to work on a personal project further up the coast.
I found out I could get my daily Anderson Cooper fix via a video podcast. iTunes is amazing. I also got the BBC World News.
Here is a pretty photo from a recent shoot for Chanta’s Bitches, one of the Twisted Factory sites.

I am in the middle of teaching Charley Chase a lesson with bondage and my strap on. Business as usual. But I just love how unposed this was. I can be a bit too “posey” sometimes.

*canned applause here*

Whew!! Just spent two days working with Brazzers. Day one was Regan Reese and Jordan Ashe and day two was Mark Woods. Both scenes were on the sillier side of things, but I got to dress up in some over the top outfits and play fun characters. The crew was really nice and, overall, it was a pretty chill two days. It was colder in Vegas than I was expecting, even though I’d been only a few days before.

TMS stayed over last night. He was here when I got home from the airport, catching up on Dexter. I have the first couple of seasons from iTunes. They haven’t released the 3rd season yet, so I’ve been watching it 2nd hand, grainy and uploaded to a site prone to pop up windows. There are worse problems to have. He’s gone off to play football and to prep for his film tomorrow. He’s directing a short and they have to do a day of pick ups.

and onto the porno…

(Go to my dirty bondage blog for direct linkage. I’m lazy.)

I’m this weeks update everywhere you want to be on the kinky side of the web. You can see my highly anticipated (at least by me) update with Mark Davis on Sex and Submission (sexandsubmission.com) in which I’m not only encased in my own 20.5″ corset but also in the custom steel that TMS had made for me. =). Marty pulled out all the stops and in addition to high heels, stockings, more metal bondage, stress positions, ballet boots and a partial suspension, I also squirt. Many have tried. Many have failed. Mark wins.

You can see my second appearance on FuckedAndBound with Derrick Pierce, also highly anticipated (also at least by myself). (I’m currently also petitioning for a round 2 with this fine gentleman.) Wrapped in Chanta’s tightest bondage, I’m stripped of my expensive lingerie and high heels. My red lipstick fades and my eyeliner runs as Derrick has fun with his willing victim. I’m put through my paces with my elbows together, douple nipple clamps, the cat-o-nine, an immobilizing tie and a painful suspension before being put away at The Factory in breast bondage and a tight ball gag.

Until I’m needed to beat bitches, bitches like Charley Chase. Dressed to kill, I teach her all about customer service utlizing a painful graduated suspension, an evil elbows together tie engineered by Chanta, positive reinforcement with lots of forced orgasms and exactly 120 face slaps. Theres a killer pile driver scene and Charley takes quite the ass beating. She also squirted, but I was not the first to ever make her do that. And she was a good girl. She stayed away from my shoes. =)

K.
Back to my Sunday.
I have Monday to worry about.
As Always
TFFMB

I (the Fabulous Mz Berlin) had blast fucking Charley Chase on Chanta’s Bitches. I started with a strapado (like my rigging?) and made Charley Chase cum before we even got to the rough stuff. She wanted to be a whore, well I flogged her ass while she repeated, “I want to be top whore!” until the words became almost sobs. I know that place, because as a switch, I go there too. I fucked her with my strap on, taught her how a slut sucks cock, and even made her suck my toes. That’s why I’m a great femdom (in my humble opinion) and why you, dear reader, should BUY MY PORN! I made it for you! You should join Chanta’s Bitches, too.

Photography By Jim Martin (he's in my blogroll!)

My short term memory sucks.
I am so tired.
And I have a long day tomorrow.
And so much to say.
Not sure this is going to work out so well.
Haha.
My shoots last week were really good. I shot with Chad Rock and Wild Bill. Chad Rock and I had good chemistry and I hope to work with him again. I always think the second time is better. I think that I wasn’t sensual enough for Wild Bill I just don’t think I’m wired for sensual. I dunno.  I directed both shoots and did the rigging. Neither subject escaped. I did learn that I’m using rope lengths that are too long, and that it’s been part of my issue.
I feel much more confident now.
Then there was the Mark Davis shoot. I know I’ve already talked about Mark Davis and I’m toeing the line on over kill,  but this -seriously- is the best b/g shoot I’ve ever done. At least I believe it will be. We’ll find out once it’s been edited and published, but it was balls to the wall from start to finish. I had a blast. See!! My second shoots are always the best!
Thursday I dominated Charley Chase and PA’d on set. I’ve been doing more and more of that lately. Learning to rig, watching the lighting set up. Being aware of pacing. Charley Chase was so fucking hot. And she did some tough bondage and face slapping!! Chanta’s bitch slapped me so much that I can’t help but do it to others.
Friday I rented a car.
(My head gasket and all sorts of stuff blew to the tune of 2300.)
Then I had an interview with Belladonna. She is soooo beautiful. The interview was really casual and I chatted about what I liked about sex and bdsm and all that, then I got naked. Unfortunately, Belladonna did not. But I hope she has me back. She has a really amazing energy that would add so much to a scene or a set.
This past Tuesday I worked with Ramone for Reality Kings. He was hot. I am such a sucker for accents. We had to hold back a lot (It was scripted) but still had a lot of fun. The stills seem to be the hardest part of shooting vanilla porn.
Today I spent all day with Mark Spiegler, meeting directors and talent and just saying “hello” to everyone. I got naked quite a bit, and my boobs got grabbed a lot. I always giggle and blush, but secretly I love the attention.
So, that’s that.
Tonight I went to a small play party in the hills and gave a lovely submissive boy the birthday caning of a lifetime. Amazing connection. His ass is annihilated, but it was a 2 hour scene that led up to a 4 cane finale. Beautiful. He loved it. He wants me to stick needles in him next time. I hope his mistress allows it!!
Tomorrow
(today, actually)
I have a fem domme type shoot that should be fun. Along with two solo scenes. I’ve only done one vanilla solo scene for Score. I hope that I do a good job.
Oh. I have health insurance. Very excited about that.
And I found an awesome coat rack (hot pink!!) at Urban Outfitters.
And I updated my clip store. With me, Ashley Renee, and latex.
Yum.
Later, gators-
TVVTFFMB

Sex Blog Picks For The Week! I’ve been trying to decide how to do The Week in Kink now that normally the people I would feature are almost all on BestSexBloggers.com. One thing I want to try is a call for submissions. Send your best/favorite post to me at CatalinaLoves@gmail.com and I will take a look at it. If it passes the Catalina loves… test, then I’ll use it in The Week In Kink, which is posted at CatalinaLoves@gmail.com and I will take a look at it. If it passes the Catalina loves… test, then I’ll use it in The Week In Kink, which is posted at TheWeekInKink.com and cross-posted all over teh internets.

CatalinaLoves.com:

• Catalina loves Live Girl Review
• Catalina loves Naughty Secretary Roleplay

CatalinaSays.com:

• Learn How To Tie Someone Up and Help Someone Out at The Same Time
• Every Day Gets Weirder Than The Day Before

MarkyDSade.com:

• Mz Berlin and Charlotte Vale in The Training of O
• The Sarge and Backdoor Bondage Have Great Impact Play and Hogtied Style Bondage Content

BackdoorBondageBlog.com:

• The Vale That Is Thin Enough To Me

Nawalochai.com:

• Looking for suggestions for Hogtied.com Shoots

IntoTheAttic.com:

• Moral Majority

The Accidental Blowjob:

• Palin ain’t so appealin’

The Femmes Guide:

• Well Screw That, People

Dungeonplace.com:

• Consensual? Yes. Safe or Sane? Hell No!

Mz Berlin’s Blog:

• Mz Berlin Goes A Little Vanilla On Big Tits Round Asses

Lady Sascha’s Blog:

• Fully Naked HHNT

BestSexBloggers.com:

• I Want… To Give In To You

::psst… for more hot sex blog links go to Sugasm.com::

Mz Berlin had a good productive day today. I worked with Christian for a Joey Silvera movie called Strap Attack. It was lots of fun. Christian was a good sport and we had fun. I didn’t beat him up too much, just enough to show him who’s boss! Haha!! I do suspect that we’ll be booked in a scene together where the tables are turned in the not so distant future, so that was probably a good idea. He was so easy to work with and is really hot, so it was easy to do the scene. He has a good energy. He interrupts to much, but it’s good for me to have a taste of my own medicine from time to time.  =)  I wore my new Demask corset with its’ matching bra and panties. I love that outfit and haven’t worn it for a video yet, only internet content. Joey was really easy to work with and totally laid back.  I hope that we get to work together again.
And the cancellation had nothing to do with anyone not wanting to work with me. I am a goober.
TMS, The Wife, The Hawaiian and I are busy bees getting ready for Burning Man. The next few days are going to be a blur, then we’re off to the playa.
In porno news, I am all over the Twisted Factory. Sabrina Fox and I going at it is ready for your consumption at ChantasBitches.com, and a shoot featuring myself, Daac Ramsey and Robin Trulove is the update currently on CaptiveMale.com. I’m also the current update on GwenMedia.com in a hot photo set with Julie Simone.
So, that’s that. BUY MY PORN! I made it for you!
L8TR

This bondage blog didn’t know Delilah Strong had a sister. Mz Berlin did apparently. Daisy Strong gets schooled in bondage by the famous LezDomme, on Chanta’s Bitches (chantasbitches.com).  Mz Berlin torments  Daisy’s nipples with clover clamps, before tying her up and forcing her to suck the big strap on cock… the same cock Berlin fucks her with. Of course, forced orgasms provide the positive reinforcement.  Who doesn’t like a great lezdom scene? Lesbian bdsm is hot, and Chanta’s Bitches has the best lezdom I’ve seen.  One thing I just found out (from Mz Berlin herself, actually) is that Twisted Factory, the parent company of Chanta’s Bitches, has the Twisted Member’s Pass, which gives you access to all three of their bondage sites (Captive Male, Chanta’s Bitches, and Fucked and Bound), because sometimes you feel like a slut… and sometimes you don’t. Enjoy.

ohmygawd you have to see what I (Mz Berlin) did to Audrey Hollander’s ass, on Chanta’s Bitches. First of all I caned her perfect ass eighty (that’s 8-0 ) times, and the bitch had to count it out for me. Then I started stretching our her ass, because Audrey Hollander is known for her ass, and what an anal slut she is. I got both my hands, and then my fucking foot into her slutty little ass. I tell you, no one is kinkier than a redhead. I finished by doing something that Chanta did to me once. It involves rope, Audrey Hollander, me, and a cinderblock. You have to join Chanta’s Bitches for the rest, but I will tell you it made Audrey use her safeword. I am not only fabulous, I am one bad motherfucker. Buy my porn! I made it for you! Chanta says you have to!

Being the Fabulous Mz Berlin is taxing. Enjoy this Chanta’s Bitches session I did a few months ago, with Anita Blue. Femdom doesn’t get too much better than Chanta’s Bitches, which is why I so love, and appreciate, working with her. This is actually a post from Marky D. Sade, who’s always got my back, so he donated this while I recover. I’m feeling better, btw, and I’ll be back fucking guys in the ass, and making girls cum soon. The doctor says the best therapy for me is if you buy my porn. Do it for the sick girl. xo, B

This bondage blog loves a good hard fucking. Mz. Berlin agrees, it seems, because she fucks Anita Blue’s little ass with a strap-on until Anita totally loses herself in whoredom. Chantas Bitches (chantasbitches.com) always has gritty, intense, and crazy hot lesbian femdom scenes, starring the fetish communities best and brightest. Mz Berlin is an amazing Domme in this scene, and she uses suction cups to harden, stretch, and hurt Anita’s nipples… all while Anita’s bound in torturous shibari rope work… this scene is hot. Both Berlin and Anita Blue have sexy full length movies in my Video On Demand Theater, should you want to see them more, ahem, in depth. Take a look at Chanta’s Bitches. It’s a top shelf bondage site that is totally worth the money. The top picture takes you to the picture page, and the bottom four take you to the video preview page. Enjoy.

I recently read about The 100 Things Challenge. My apartment has been cluttered for ages. It’s just too small. Well, yesterday and today I de-cluttered as much as possible. I don’t know if I could get to just 100 things, even with the collection clause, but I found it inspiring. And perhaps it will save my sanity.
My neighbor, J., got me started on a cleaning spree yesterday and it’s lasted all day. I’ve de-cluttered at the speed of fabulocity. All of my clothes and shoes are reasonably organized. It’s all hung up. Anything iffy, old or unnecessary was given the boot.
Tomorrow I’m tackling my desk.

In other news, I’ve been scoping out the gorilla situation and think it would be awesome if you’d donate money to the International Gorilla Conservation Programme. (Note to faithful readers- I still love exotic antiquities, but that doesn’t mean that I believe in outright extermination in the face of scientific, biological and ethical concerns. Vintage is vintage, though, and should be loved.) I’ll have a link up on my blog soon, too. Please repost the links above if you have the time, energy and inclination.

Shot with January Seraph yesterday at Ken Marcus‘ studio. We did an hour long real time session, minus the time before and once during where I re-tied her. My rigging was inescapable, but my ends kept coming out uneven, even though I was careful. I did a chest harness and the front looked alright, but the back, between her shoulder blades, looked sloppy. I retied it twice.

I just need to keep practicing.

January was hot, though. And super tough. She’s always tougher than she thinks she is. But aren’t we all?
And she didn’t call me vain, or say “Fuck you, Mz Berlin” once.   HaHa.

In naked me on the internet news, I can currently be found giving Kayla Paige the Twisted Factory treatment.  January’s famous last words at The Factory can be found at the bottom of the page. I’m very curious about what her next words at The Factory will be. Here is my favorite still from the Kayla Paige Chanta’s Bitches shoot.

I was also recently on Hogtied. Matt kicked my ass, as usual.
I mistakenly told him that it was my 5th shoot, and he thought so too and put it in the update. Perhaps he’ll invite me back and teach me how to count. Here are two favorite pictures from that shoot.

So, there’s my promotional bullshit and gratuitous nudity.
Go donate to the gorillas.

Or buy my porn.